Instant Replay
by Dream Painter
Summary: COMPLETE:: Moments from the past are keeping Marcus from sleeping properly. When he's finally ready to talk about it, though, Evan doesn't have the time to listen... AU/Gen
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: After much delay, the Lorne Brothers return!! This is the third in my Lorne Bros' Universe, so you'll want to read _Something to Prove_ and _What Matters_ first. And without any further ado, I present:_

_---_

**Instant Replay**

-

Major Evan Lorne followed the string of music out onto the South Pier. It was early in the morning—real early. In fact, the Lantean sun was just barely coming over the horizon. One thing he knew for certain—the man playing the coronet at the end of the pier had never been this kind of morning person.

"Marcus!" he shouted as he drew near. The younger man turned towards him, but didn't lower his instrument until he had finished the song.

"Eve," Marcus returned, "why're you up so early?"

"I could hear you through my window."

"Oh. Sorry about that. I thought I was far enough out..."

"It's a bit early even for you, isn't it?" Evan asked.

Marcus' fingers went through several different notes, silently playing whatever tune was on his mind. "Couldn't sleep," he admitted.

"Something wrong?" the elder Lorne frowned. His brother squinted out over the water, blowing a breath out through his teeth.

"Not really," he said.

"You sure?" Evan was unconvinced.

Marcus chuckled humorlessly. "Not really."

The major drew closer. "You wanna talk about what's on your mind?"

"Uh... maybe later? I think I might try to get some sleep before the briefing later."

"Yeah. You look like hell."

"Gee, thanks," Marcus smirked.

"Anytime, kid," Evan grinned. "Anytime."

---

Evan strode into the mess hall. Cadman was seated near a window, sipping at a cup of coffee. He grabbed some cream of wheat and an orange juice and went to join her.

"Was that Marcus I heard earlier?" she managed through an impressive-sized yawn.

"Yeah," Evan replied. "Did he wake you?"

"No. I was already awake—couldn't fall back to sleep," she leaned forward, frowning thoughtfully. "Y'know, it's kinda strange, but I think the only time I've actually seen Marcus sleep is when he's in the infirmary."

"He goes to bed on missions."

"Well, yeah, I've seen him crawl into his sleeping bag or tent, but I haven't actually observed him sleeping."

"And that is strange because..?" Her CO couldn't see what she was trying to say.

"I've seen you and Parrish sleep lots of times—you fall asleep here in the mess hall or doze off in meetings," Laura told him. "Marcus always seems tired, but I've never seen him sleep—he's always the first up and the last to go to bed. I just think it's interesting, is all." She returned to sipping at her coffee. Now that she mentioned it, he hadn't actually seen Marcus sleep outside the infirmary, either. At least, not since he'd come to Atlantis. They often shared a tent, but Marcus was always still awake by the time he dozed off. Evan hadn't thought anything of it—Marcus had always functioned on surprisingly little sleep, ever since they were kids. But, had he always seemed so tired?

Evan frowned. He'd have to talk to Marcus later.

---

"_I'm Lindsay."_

"_Marcus. It's nice to meet you."_

"_If you two are done flirting, the research site is this way."_

"_So, you're here to protect us, right? .right? ..right? ...right?"_

Marcus jerked awake violently, sweat soaking his hair. The lieutenant shook his head as though doing so could remove the images from his mind. Rising to his feet, he stumbled across the room. Splashing water on his face, he willed his breathing to calm. A glance at his clock told him he still had an hour before the briefing.

Getting ready quickly, Marcus went off in search of his brother. He wasn't in the mess hall or his quarters, and it was more than likely that he'd already gotten his jog out of the way for the day. Finally, he found his sibling on his way towards the conference room.

"Eve!"

"Hey," Evan turned his head to look at him as he kept going. "You get some sleep in?"

"Yeah, a bit," Marcus answered. "Hey, do you have a bit?"

"Actually, Dr. Weir asked me to attend the briefing in five minutes. Colonel Sheppard was originally going to, but his team's off-world at the moment."

"One of the other team leaders can't do it?"

Evan stopped to look at him. "Probably. But they weren't asked, I was. What's this about?"

"You asked if I wanted to talk about it—what's on my mind," Marcus' brown eyes were pleading. "Eve..."

"Sorry, Mars, but now's just not a good time," the major said. "Later. I promise, okay?"

Marcus watched as his brother jogged the rest of the way to the conference room. "But—later probably won't be until after our mission..."

-

_To be continued..._

_---_

_A/N: Be sure to let me know what you think so far.  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Couldn't get it off my mind, so here's chapter two. Don't get used to the super quick updates, though--I do have two other WIPs I'm working on, y'know. ^^_

_---_

**Chapter 2**

-

"Alright, kids," Evan said as they arrived off-world. "Let's take a look around and see if there's anything worth looking at."

"Want us to split up, sir?" Laura asked.

"Yeah. Let's mix it up a bit, though... Cadman, you're with me, Marcus, you look after doc."

"You make it sound like he's babysitting me," Parrish groused, though he clearly wasn't as irritated as he was trying to sound.

"Okay," Evan told them, "meet back here in an hour, and stay in radio contact." They parted ways and Laura couldn't help but notice that Marcus had that look on his face that he got whenever he wanted to protest. A glance at her CO informed her that the look hadn't been lost on him.

"Sir..?"

"Aw, I forgot he wanted to tell me something," the major explained, guilt woven into his expression. "I'm sure it's fine—I'll catch up with him later." The blonde nodded wordlessly as they went on their way.

Meanwhile, Marcus followed as David walked ahead of him, admiring plant life where warranted and generally chatting incessantly. The scientist's habit of rambling had annoyed the lieutenant at first, but after he'd grown accustomed to it, it was actually quite soothing. Especially just now.

"Hello," Parrish said suddenly. Marcus looked up, realizing for the first time that he hadn't been paying much mind to their surroundings. That was brilliant of him. There was some sort of structure ahead of them, just visible through the trees.

"Wasn't expecting that," Marcus murmured. They approached the wall. It extended a long way in one direction, its surface eroded by time and exposure to the elements. The lieutenant poked at the mortar between two of the pale bricks and it crumbled easily beneath his touch. "Well, this has been here awhile, huh, do... doc?" Marcus' heart skipped a beat as his turned to find his teammate was no longer beside him. "Doc?"

"_Lindsay? ...Ambrose? Williams?! Hey!"_

"DOC?!" the man yelled frantically.

"I'm right here, lieutenant," Parrish responded calmly, coming around the other end of the wall.

Marcus stalked up to him. "You do that again and, I swear to god, I'll shoot you," he threatened. The scientist looked at him in concern.

"A bit tightly strung, are we?" he quipped.

"Just—don't wander off!" the Air Force officer growled.

Parrish raised his hands submissively. "Okay, okay!" he said, his pitch a bit raised by his nervousness. "Can we... go to the, uh, the other side of the wall, now?"

"Yeah. Lead the way." Marcus relaxed minutely, flushing slightly at having lost his cool. What was wrong with him, anyway? "Sorry about that," he murmured.

"Yeah, well... you might wanna take a pill," David ventured. "I was out of your sight for hardly a minute—what could possibly have happened to me?"

"_How long were they out of your sight, lieutenant?"_

"_Two minutes—not even that. I just stepped away to go to the bathroom!"_

"Just... don't go anywhere without telling me, okay?" Marcus' tone was soft. David was about to make some remark when he noted the haunting look in the other man's eyes.

"Alright, lieutenant," he said, "I won't go anywhere." Now, he was worried about the man. As far as he knew, Marcus was never this uptight. Something was bothering him...

They continued exploring the inside of the structure. It was broad and open, for the most part, with what seemed like rows of stone benches leading down to a raised stage of some sort.

"I'm no archaeologist, but I think this is some sort of theater," David said.

"Think maybe? It reminds me of summer camp!" Marcus contributed. They wandered down toward the platform, which was also made of the same material as the walls.

"There are some stairs leading underneath the stage," the biologist noted, starting to head down them.

"Parrish!" Marcus exclaimed. "Don't go down there—last thing we need is for the damn platform to collapse on you."

David's sigh spoke volumes. Marcus was just like the major. If they didn't have their own unique qualities, he'd swear they were the same person. "Alright, lieutenant," he said, just a tad sarcastically, "just so we're clear, is there anything I can do, or do I need you to hold my hand to pee, too?"

"I don't know, doc—you plan on peeing near any high voltage cables?"

"Very funny, lieutenant." David shot him a dirty look and Marcus laughed. The scientist walked up onto the first step of the stage, looking about for anything of interest as his teammate kicked at something on the ground a short distance away. Stepping out onto the platform, he was met by an ominous creaking sound. Marcus' head shot up. More creaking, and this time a crack split through the material at Parrish's feet.

"Doc!" David was lost for a moment. Everything happened so quickly—one moment, the floor was crumbling at his feet and the next he was yanked backwards, falling from the stage to the ground.

"Ouch!" he grimaced as he landed, rubbing at his tail bone. "Thanks for the save... lieutenant?" Marcus was nowhere in sight. The scientist stood to his feet, looking all around. Almost the entire floor of the platform had collapsed into the room underneath. Hesitantly, he moved forward, up one, then two, of the steps until he was just able to lean forward and peer down.

"Mmmm..." a moan rose from the rubble below.

Parrish put a hand to his radio. "Major, we need some help here—Lieutenant Lorne's been injured!"

-

_To be continued..._

_---_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Sorry for the long delay!! I haven't forgotten you guys--just went back home for a couple weeks.  
_

_---_

**Chapter 3**

-

Evan sat in one of those hard, uncomfortable infirmary chairs, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees. "Dummy," he murmured fondly to the man in the bed.

"He's a bit worse for wear," Carson had told him earlier. "He's got some cracked ribs and a broken arm, and probably a wee concussion to go with it, but nonetheless, your brother should be right as rain in no time. Honestly, major, I think his main problem is he's just plain exhausted."

"You said that the last time he was in," Evan had pointed out.

"Aye, and I'll say it again—your brother needs to start getting some proper rest." The air force major sighed, glancing at his watch. He should probably wake his brother about now, but the man was sleeping so peacefully... or at least he had been.

Marcus had begun to toss lightly in his sleep, his eyebrows drawing together as soft murmurs escaped his lips. "No..." he whimpered. "NO!" He woke suddenly, sitting bolt-right up in the bed.

"Mars!" Evan exclaimed, jumping up to gently push his brother back against the pillow. He was too late, though, and the younger man gasped at the sharp pain that shot through his ribcage. "Marcus, calm down—you're in the infirmary," the elder Lorne told him, "and you've got some cracked ribs."

"Where's Parrish?" Marcus ground out desperately.

"He's fine. Nothing happened to him."

"Y-you don't understand... I let him out of my sight. I don't know where he is," Marcus persisted. "I messed up again—I'm sorry."

"Mars?" Evan looked down at his brother in concern.

"I'm sorry..." he murmured, drifting back into unconsciousness, no doubt partially induced by the pain medication Carson had given him earlier. A tear had streamed down one of Marcus' cheeks, though Evan was uncertain whether it was caused by the pain of his sudden movement or by whatever was tormenting Marcus in his dreams. A nightmare. Was that what Marcus had wanted to talk to him about? And he had blown him off—more than once.

"I'm sorry, too," Evan told him. "We'll talk later, okay? I'll take the time to listen to you. I promise..." And he really meant it.

-

Marcus' eyes slowly drifted open, his vision blurry from sleep. A few blinks and the world around him began to regain focus.

"Marcus! You're awake!" the woman next to him exclaimed, looking up from the crossword puzzle she was working on (or rather, doodling around).

"Lindsay?" the man mumbled, seeing the familiar redhead beside his bed. Flashes of her hanging by chaffed bleeding wrists, her face bruised, flickered across his mind.

"What?" she demanded.

"You're alright."

"Of course I am," she laughed. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I thought something happened to you..." he replied, his mind laboring to make sense of things.

"Oh, hey," a man paused in passing. "How's the, uh, head? Heard you got a pretty good bang-up job."

Images of his broken body assaulted Marcus' mind. His eyebrows drew together. "You're here, too."

"Um, yeah," Rodney responded, exchanging a look with Laura. "If you recall, I've been here from the start."

"That's not possible," Marcus murmured, mostly to himself. "No... no, no, no, no..."

Something suddenly occurred to his teammate. "Marcus," she asked slowly, setting her crossword aside and rising to her feet to move closer to the man. "What did you call me when you woke up?"

Marcus stared at her for a moment, then let out a dismayed groan. "I don't know!" he exclaimed irritably, scrunching his eyes shut and pushing his head back into the pillow. "Will you get Dr. Beckett for me?" He turned his head away from her, his clenched jaw a sure indication that he didn't intend to say any more.

"Sure, Marcus," his teammate told him. She rested a hand on the edge of his bed for a moment before turning to go get the physician. Rodney gazed at the man a moment more before continuing on his way and Marcus was left alone to his thoughts.

"_Marcus..."_ Even now, the memory of Lindsay's voice was hauntingly real and he really had thought, ever so briefly, that somehow she really had been at his bedside. He thought he'd been able to forget—and for a time he had, what with his transfer to Atlantis and settling in. There really hadn't been much time to think about past events. But then, the nightmares had started up again and Marcus started sleeping even less than he already did. He couldn't sleep for the memories that surfaced in his dreams, but at the same time, the lack thereof was causing him to see Lindsay and the other scientists all around him.

"Catch-22," he whispered miserably to himself. If only he could talk to Evan, maybe the older man could somehow make the nightmares go away, just like he did when they were kids. Then again, this wasn't a case of night terrors or monsters under the bed.

"Lieutenant?" Carson spoke softly as he approached the bed. Marcus opened his eyes. "Laura seems to think you're seeing things."

Marcus stared silently at him, volunteering nothing.

Carson sighed. "How are yeh feeling? You asked for me?"

"Head hurts," the younger man said. "The sore ribs and the cast on my arm haven't escaped my attention, either."

"What do yeh remember?" the doctor prompted.

"At the moment, everything's kinda hazy. There was some sort of... theater or something, I think, and the stage..." Marcus looked up sharply. "Parrish! Where's Parrish?!"

"He's fine, lieutenant," Carson soothed, placing a hand on his shoulder to keep him from sitting up. "You pulled him out of the way before the stage collapsed, but apparently, yeh didn't manage to stop your forward momentum."

The Air Force officer relaxed again, murmuring a 'thank God' to himself.

Carson proceeded to take the man's vitals, shining a penlight in each of his eyes to be certain the pupils were dilating properly. "I've been meaning to talk to yeh 'bout your sleeping habits," he said.

"My sleeping habits?"

"Aye. Seems every time you've been in the infirmary lately, you're suffering from a fair bit of exhaustion. Is there any reason you can't sleep, lieutenant?"

"Oh, you know—just excitement of the job and everything to see," Marcus grinned. "I don't have time to sleep."

"Laura said you called her 'Lindsay' when you woke up," Carson continued patiently, "and you mistook Rodney for someone else. Now, you had a pretty good fall, but I'm fairly certain yeh didnae hit your head hard enough to be hallucinatin' and they're not a known side effect to the pain medication I gave yeh. The only other explanation I can come up with is that they were caused by an overly tired and/or troubled mind. Care to elaborate?"

Marcus avoided the Scot's gentle gaze, his smile long since faded. "Not really," he replied, voice soft.

"I take that to mean that I'm right, then," Carson sighed. "Yeh can't sleep."

"Not from lack of trying."

"You have nightmares." Marcus looked at him in surprise. "I've watch yeh sleep here in the infirmary. Lord knows, I've kept yeh overnight for observation often enough. I've seen people have a fitful rest, but you, lad... sometimes you start tossing as soon as yer head hits the pillow. I don't pretend to know what's troubling yeh, but there are people you can talk to..."

"I know—it's just," Marcus interrupted, "I thought I could forget, y'know? If I kept busy, maybe the memories an-and the nightmares would stop ambushing me. But they didn't stay away. They came back and Doc, I don't... I mean, every time I close my eyes, it just—I don't want to remember. I just want to forget and move on, but everything keeps triggering this... this instant replay. Over and over and—I just want it to stop." He met the doctor's gaze and Carson thought that he had never seen so much pain in those brown eyes before.

"Did yeh wanna talk about it, Marcus?" he asked gently.

Marcus squeezed his eyes shut as tears threatened to escape down his face. "I was going to tell Eve, but now... I can't. I'm not ready, yet, after all. I'm not sure I ever will be." Carson studied the man's troubled face. He didn't know what to do for him. There were a few medications he could prescribe to help him sleep, but they would do nothing to help ease the pain that was slowly wearing away at his soul.

That was something new he'd learned about the younger Lorne—things bothered him, and he had a harder time hiding it than one might incipiently believe.

-

_To be continued..._

_---_

_A/N: Happy New Years! ^^  
_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N:** I know - I made you guys wait forever for just one more chapter. Truly sorry about that. Real Life got hectic, computer died, etc, et al. _

_And finally...  
_

_-_

**Chapter 4**

-

Evan made his way towards the infirmary. Dr. Beckett had said the night before that Marcus was free to leave once morning came and he wanted to be there before he left. The elder Lorne approached the bed where his brother had been and pulled back the curtain. It was empty.

"Major," Dr. Sarah Cole greeted him as she passed on her rounds. "If you're looking for your brother, he left about an hour ago."

"An hour ago?" Evan echoed. "It's not even eight, yet."

"Marcus is quite the morning person," Sarah remarked. "I don't think I've ever seen him sleep past seven – and that's with a concussion."

"Ever?"

"Not when I've been on duty."

"He's always been an early-riser," Evan said with a quick smile. "Thanks, doc." He turned and left in search of his sibling, locating him after about twenty minutes.

Marcus had found a new place to practice his music. It appeared to be some sort of sun room, with clear glass making up its ceiling and three of its walls. The door connecting the room to the corridor were also clear, though, the wall on both sides was not.

The younger man appeared to be playing with his eyes closed, holding his coronet with one hand. His brows were drawn together slightly as his fingers worked the valves at a speed Evan always found amazing.

Passing his hand over the door panel, the major entered the room to... nothing. The soft impact of the buttons hitting the valve casings was the only sound in the large room. Marcus was "ghost" playing.

It was deafening.

"Did you need me?" Marcus asked, turning to face him as he lowered the instrument. He wore a t-shirt and loose-fitting pants, his hair in disarray, and his left arm resting in a sling. It was his eyes that bothered Evan, though. The mischievous glint that should have given life to those brown orbs was lacking, replaced by a haunted gleam. _When had that happened?_

"Yeah," Evan told him, "I went to get you from the infirmary but Dr. Cole said you already left."

"Couldn't sleep," the younger man replied, fingers playing a scale.

"You alright, Mars?"

Marcus shook his head.

"What's bothering you?"

Again, Marcus shook his head, gaze focused on his coronet as his fingers continued playing a silent song. "Don't wanna talk about it, Eve," he said.

Evan sighed. "Look, I shouldn't have brushed you off the way I did," he said, stepping closer. "I should have paid more attention to you. Then, maybe I wouldn't have been the last one to notice that something's bothering you."

"Eve, really, I don't..." Marcus protested weakly.

"What are you having nightmares about, Marcus? What's keeping you awake all the time?"

"This isn't a case of monsters under the bed – you can't just chase them away."

"Let me try," Evan insisted. "I'm your big brother. You can tell me anything."

Marcus allowed his right arm to drop completely to his side and Evan took the coronet away before it slipped from his hand. The younger man's eyes brimmed with tears, but he refused to let them fall.

"Marcus?"

"I failed," Marcus finally choked out.

"Failed at what?" Evan prodded gently, knowing there had to be more to it than that.

"Protecting them. Eve – I let 'em die."

"Who, Mars? Who did you let die?" The elder Lorne hated to keep pushing him, but he knew that Marcus was the kind to bottle things up until they ate away at him. Growing up, Evan had always been the outlet for all of his brother's hurts and frustrations.

"They'd been on the planet for two or three months," Marcus told him. "Five of them – all scientists. They were studying some... device. Not sure what it was, but, they were geeks, y'know? They thought it was cool.

"The general had me go with them, y'know, in case something came up. Wild animals or something. It was just me – rest of my team were off. In all the time they'd been there, they never saw a soul. Not a single sign of life. But then..." A strangled sob escaped from the younger man and he scrubbed furiously at the tears trailing down his cheeks.

Evan squeezed his shoulder, waiting for him to continue.

"I stepped away to go to the bathroom – wasn't even gone for two minutes. When I came back, they were missing. I called and called but they didn't answer. I sent for help and we scoured the whole area. We finally found them – oh, god, Eve we found them," Marcus had to fight down a lump in his throat. "They'd been mutilated and strung up on poles, like... like some sort of warning. Three of them were already dead when we got to 'em, and this girl, Lindsay – Eve, she was younger than me – she... she died on our way to the gate. The last one died a few hours later.

"Oh, god, Eve – I thought I could forget," he sobbed brokenly, "I thought I had forgotten, y'know? But then... the nightmares started and I could no longer close my eyes without seeing their bleeding bodies... hearing their voices. How do I live with the guilt? Evan, how do I live with it?"

Evan pulled him into a tight embrace. "It wasn't your fault," he murmured. "You had no way of knowing."

"I was suppose to protect them – it was the only thing I had to do an' I failed. I didn't even get a scratch."

"I'm sorry, Marcus. I'm so sorry that happened."

Marcus returned the embrace with his free arm, his tears slowly coming back under control. Even then, the faces of the dead science team haunted him, but somehow, he felt that he would be alright. After all... his big brother would be there to chase away the nightmares...

-

"Sir!" Laura called as she jogged to catch up with Evan. "Sir, have you seen Marcus? I've been looking for him since this morning and I couldn't find him in his quarters."

"He's not in his quarters," Evan told her. "He's in mine."

The woman's brow furrowed. "Um... might I ask _why_?" she asked slowly.

Evan rapped a knuckle against her head. "Because he's _sleeping_, Cadman," he said.

"In your quarters?"

"Don't even go there."

"But... why is he..?"

"Drop it, lieutenant – and don't even think of waking him, either." Evan waved her off dismissively.

"He's _sleeping_?" Laura murmured to herself as she consulted her watch. "Since when did the man even _sleep_?"

-

_A few weeks later..._

Evan made his way down the corridor, approaching the room where he knew his brother must be. Passing a hand over the door panel, he entered to the notes of some piece he'd never heard before. It wasn't as smooth as it could have been, as Marcus hadn't really been able to practice with his cracked ribs, but Evan still thought it inspiring, nonetheless.

"Marcus!" he called. Marcus kept playing. "_Marcus_!" A descending scale sounded from the coronet, increasing in volume as it went, until it ended in the instrumental equivalent of a raspberry.

"Looking for me?" the younger Lorne asked, releasing the fluid from his spit valve.

"Y'know, I could easily go without ever seeing that," Evan told him. Marcus laughed. "What are you doing up so early?"

The younger man shrugged. "Wasn't tired anymore," he said. "What about you? Why are you up?"

Evan nodded towards the open door leading to the sun room's balcony. "I could hear you through my window," he replied.

"You mean, I woke you up? Sorry about that."

"Naw, it's fine. It was actually good to hear you play again."

"It's good to be able to play again," Marcus grinned. "When I play, it's like I can express all the things that I don't have the words to say." Sadness entered his eyes for a moment.

"How're the nightmares?" Evan asked him.

"Had one the other night, but, they're getting better."

"You get that from me, y'know. Nightmares about the things that trouble you."

"Yeah, I know," Marcus said, scratching an itch on the side of neck with his casted arm. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I know all your really bad dreams are because of me. I'm sorry for that."

Evan crossed over to him and ruffled his already rumpled hair. "Marcus, I would still have nightmares even if you didn't do stupid stuff."

Marcus pulled away and straightened his hair a bit. "Why's that?" he wanted to know.

"Because," his brother grinned. "You're my brother and I can't help but worry about you."

The corner of the younger man's mouth quirked slightly. That, he could understand.

-

End.

-

**_A/N:_**_ I know this was a slightly shorter tale, but I hope you liked it. Ideas for future Lorne tales are floating around my brain, but whether I write them or not all depends on how much interest there is. _

_Thanks for reading!! ~Quen*  
_


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